Sie ist ein Cancer Patient unt sie seht gut aus...

Allo allo folksiesssss.

I haven't been to hospital for almost a whole week so I can't really remember what's going on or who I am or the price of fish or who's in charge of the Ukraine anymore. No more plait lady, how sad, I shall have to find a new winner of the World-Leader-I-Would-Most-Like-To-Shag award. Ho hum.

ANYWAY.

Oh yes! I went to hospital and no one wanted me really. Nick the dietician did, but then again I'm the thinnest person ever and I make him look like the crappiest dietician in world history (Which he isn't, he steals me all the strawberry milkshakeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssss), so I'm probably pretty high up on his priorities list.
Nick's things to do today-
1.Stop Constanze wasting away
2.Make Constanze have two shakes a day
3.Make Constanze be fat again
4.Stop Constanze making African famine victims look fat
5.Make Constanze eat enough to give her the energy to move and rave and stuff
I would however like to point out that I did in fact GAIN WEIGHT this week. Barely any, but I'm still claiming brilliance. Because I am brilliant. The most brilliant leukaemia physics goth that ever did live. I will gets me two stone back. I just calculated that if I keep on at this rate I should have a bum again by February... WANKSHIT. I can't live without an arse for that long, christ almighty!!! I need my arse to sit on and look at and put nice pants on and all the other important things an arse does...

They also gave me some more tablets. Grumpystanze. Supposedly they'll stop my stomach partying and dancing and make it digest something occasionally, but they don't seem to be working... Gay.

I have lots of sexy fun hospital times next week, all circulating aroung these lymphocytes or mini peg legs or whatever they are. My bone marrow annoyingly became less German, so I needs me a top up. They had to go over to Germany and bother Mr Stem Cell Donor for more of his cells, luckily he is super good and was willing to give yet more of his glorious blood to the equally glorious Constanze Cause. Happy face. I sent him another amazing card, this time it was a Beans on Toast Man with Googley Eyes. And he asked about local customs and cultures, so obviously I told him about that race where they all run after that cheese down a hill. England rules.

Did I write about my epic bruise in the last post? *examines the quandry* NO. How unfortunate for you all, missing out on my bruise. When they gave me my last bag of blood, they bruised the vein all downnn myy armmmm and it's huge and won't shoo. It was yellow last week and now it is green. I don't think the vein's collapsed or anything though, so it aint all bad.

I did a naughty today... I'm not supposed to go in the sun... But... Derbyshire was tropical today... And... I sat on a bench in the full glare sun! Such rebellion! I used to drink and stay out all night for my kicks, now it's all about the benches. Oh yeahhhh.

This blog gets 750 hits a month in something like 18 countries. Seriously, do you not have anything better to do? SADDOS. Not really. That was MEAN. It makes me feel POPULAR. And loved, all warm and fuzzy inside like that swordfish I have upstairs. I dropped him off a ferris wheel once, he didn't like that. Oh no.

Oh, THE BIG NEWS. HOW DID I FORGET THE BIG NEWS. All my pals are back from uni so I have actually seen people this week. Jane touched my nose with a vibrator, Bianca made me feel decidedly slutty, Andy bought me a fish AND the Eckmeister wore my clothes. All in all, fuin times. I still can't stay awake though, which makes everyone think they're really boring... Oops.

And now it is off to watch the Boat Race. One of the people rowing for Oxford made me miss a train once. Yeah, look at me and my famous friends.

I shall update you of next week's action.

xXXxXXx